Friday, Jul. 22, 2005 - 12:04 p.m.
In the Insult to Injury category, my computer picked up a virus and performed a complete meltdown. I just spent my last two dollars to use the computer at the cafe down the street. I'm now flat broke, so there will be no email correspondence and no more posts after today.
No Thomas. No job. No money. No cigarettes. No prospects. Now, no computer,hence no communication. It's all too much to bear.
I have nowhere to turn, no one to turn to. This time last week, I had love, hope and a future. Now, I have nothing at all. I can't do this anymore,my dears. This is one reversal too many. I have never felt more alone in my life. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have no idea what I'm going to do or how I'm going to make it through today, let alone the nebulous future.
Thomas very generously paid my rent for August, so I have a month to figure out where to go, but I have no idea how I am to eat in the meantime. And I guess I'm quitting smoking, since I have no other options.
I am heartily sick of the shit the Universe is throwing at me...The past six weeks with Thomas represent the only true happiness I've known. I don't see anything improving in the future, particularly since I now know exactly what I am missing. I feel crippled, amputated, beyond panic.
I give up,folks. It's all too much.
