2004-12-15 - 2:22 p.m.
I've finally started believing it's really over, but,gods, I wish it wasn't. I can think of nothing but him. I miss him so much it's like the phantom pain of a missing limb. I feel diminished. I keep telling myself "this has happened before,and we worked things out...",but I can't believe it anymore. I just gave up on hoping.
My bed is too big, the world is too cold,and my phone doesn't ring.
I love him and he's gone. Nothing is right,and I don't know how to fix things. Obviously, they're beyond fixing, but it's so hard to accept. How can he be gone forever when I need him?
I have whiskey and cigarettes and cash, but they can't provide comfort.
I love him. I miss him. And all I have is the knowledge that, somehow, it's my own damned fault.
